Ask Dr. S: Moms, You Matter!

Many memes and psychotherapy jokes poke fun at the roles mothers play in our lives in

general, and, in particular, our mental health. People often jest that therapists are just going to

“blame it on your mother.” In reality, our mothers—or those dads, grandparents, or others who

take on the role of moms in our lives--play a critical role in our physical, social-emotional, and

psychological development.

As young children, we need our moms for survival. From an early age, we learn how to be in the world by watching our moms, or those who serve as moms, run, handle, and navigate so many relationships and situations. When clients ask me why I am curious about their relationships with their moms, it is because that is our very first relationship in life. This relationship is the foundation for all the rest of our relationships, including the one with ourselves, throughout our lives.

So many moms, for so many reasons, prioritize the needs of their children and others before

their own. Over the years, many moms have shared that they feel “selfish” when they do

something for themselves, and I often explain that selfishness and self-care are not the same.

When moms take care of themselves, whether that means getting up extra early to enjoy a

shower and a cup of coffee before their children wake up, exercising, meeting up with a friend, going to therapy, or pursuing a hobby, they feel better and, as a result, they show up for their children (and in their lives in general) with more to give. Too often, moms are exhausted, overwhelmed and burned out from juggling too many demands and responsibilities.

Because mothers often carry the primary responsibility for childcare and eldercare, they were

disproportionately impacted by the COVID pandemic, especially those who had to manage

multiple roles during a time of tremendous uncertainty. Numerous studies consistently show that mental health challenges were particularly pronounced for mothers of young children, mothers of children with special needs, and mothers in low-income families.

Many mothers are still feeling the long-term effects of these challenges. Far too many women generally have turned to “quick” fixes, such as excessive alcohol or screen-use, to self-soothe and escape, which, unfortunately, only exacerbates symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, in the long-term.

So, moms out there, I see you. I encourage you to take time for yourselves whenever you can

and be you, not mom, or wife, or partner, or employee. Just do a little bit of what you love and

what fills your tank. Running errands, doing chores, and driving your kids to soccer practice

does not count! Partners, spouses, and friends, giving moms in your lives the gift of time so

they can take care of themselves is not something they need only on their birthdays or holidays. Moms need (and want) a little time every single day to dedicate to themselves.

Wishing all moms and those who fill those shoes a very Happy Mother’s Day. And a meaningful and fulfilling life every single day.

Psych’d to see you next month!

Dr. S.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more,

please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com. Please visit the About Us section on our website to learn more about our team of therapists!