Ask Dr. S: I'm Bored

This is the time of year when many parents tell me how frustrated they are to hear their children complain, “I’m bored!” Gone are the days when kids were sent outside to play until nightfall. Today, many exasperated parents respond with directives like “Go read!” or “Go clean your room!”—only to be met with a flurry of excuses about why those solutions won’t work. Others find themselves defensively listing all the ways they've set up a “fun summer”—camps, playdates, vacations—and unintentionally shaming their children for expressing boredom at all.

But what if we approached boredom like any other emotion, no different from joy, sadness, or disappointment? Boredom is simply a feeling we can notice, acknowledge, and accept. It’s actually OK to be bored, and equally OK to let your child know that it’s OK to be bored. As parents, we don’t always have to offer immediate solutions for our children’s feelings. What we do need to do is teach them how to sit with those feelings, which often requires us to do the same ourselves.

Learning to sit with emotions, without becoming overwhelmed, is a skill that strengthens self-awareness and improves quality of life. A 2024 Psychology Today article emphasizes the value of this kind of emotional resilience.

Of course, in moments of boredom, many of us—myself included—reflexively reach for our phones. Busy parents juggling work, household demands, and childcare may find screens a convenient way to pacify children. But the more time kids (and adults) spend on screens—whether it’s fast-paced TV shows, flashing video games, or endless scrolling through cooking hacks and cat videos—the less engaging the real world begins to feel.

When parents ask me how much screen time is “OK,” I encourage them to think of it like a privilege. In today’s world, screens are often a child’s most valued currency. That means once your children meet their responsibilities, they can earn screen time for a set amount of time. With schools increasingly becoming phone-free zones (thank you, Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Anxious Generation”), it’s more important than ever to carve out regular screen-free time at home. It’s not too late to start, even if your children push back at first.

One way to proactively support kids is by helping them create a written “menu” of screen-free options during a calm moment. This can include reading (a physical book, not a device), crafting, gardening, playing board or card games, listening to music, practicing an instrument or sport, and simply moving their bodies. Even doing chores can be a meaningful addition to that list.

Boredom, in fact, can offer powerful opportunities. In her 2016 TEDx Talk, Cindy Foley explores the connection between boredom and creativity, which is reportedly declining in the United States. Our kids are smart, but less creative. Boredom helps nurture creativity by giving the mind room to wander, daydream, generate new ideas, and think outside the box.

Boredom also gives us space to pause, reflect, and consider changes we might want to make. When we’re bored, we naturally seek out engagement, and that search can lead to meaningful, purposeful activity. Boredom teaches us to sit with discomfort, which can be a powerful motivator for growth and self-discovery. Instead of something to avoid, it becomes a tool for imagination and renewal.

So, the next time your child says, “I’m bored,” take a breath. Acknowledge the feeling. And remember that boredom isn’t the enemy. It just might be the beginning of something wonderful.

Psych’d to see you next month!

-Dr. S.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more, please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com/. Please visit the About Us section on our website to learn more about our team of therapists!