The No-Phone Zone Starts at Home: What Are You Modeling for Your Children, Tweens and Teens?

By Hayley Sherwood, Columnist

Dr. Hayley Sherwood

I often hear parents worry about their children's screen habits. Sometimes the most important question is not only what children, especially tweens and teens, are doing online, but what they are experiencing from the adults around them when screens are on.

As another school year begins, many parents are applauding the growing number of school districts limiting or eliminating student access to personal electronic devices during the school day. Fairfax County Public Schools, for example, has implemented a stricter policy on student use of personal devices beginning with the 2026-27 school year.

These policies reflect increasing concern among educators, parents and mental health professionals: Children need opportunities to interact face-to-face, have conversations, make eye contact, solve problems and even be bored without immediately reaching for a screen.

But there is an important question we need to ask ourselves as adults: What happens when the school day ends?

Children may spend the day at school without a phone, but what are they observing during the rest of the day? Are they seeing parents who are engaged, present and available, or parents whose attention is repeatedly pulled away by notifications, emails, social media and mindless scrolling?

Children learn far more from observing what we do than from hearing what we say.

Parents often tell children, "Put your phone away," while simultaneously checking their own devices during dinner, responding to messages while watching a child's sporting event or looking at a screen while a child is trying to share something important. Most children will not criticize this directly, but they notice.

Psychologists have a term for the way technology interrupts face-to-face interactions: "technoference." Research suggests that when devices repeatedly interfere with parent-child interactions, children may experience less parental responsiveness and are more likely to develop unhealthy relationships with technology themselves. A 2025 meta-analysis found a significant relationship between parents' device-related distractions and children's problematic media use.

This does not mean parents need to eliminate technology from their lives. Smartphones are important tools. They help us work, communicate, navigate, learn and manage the many demands of daily life.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness.

In other words, the question is not only, "How much time is my child spending on a device?" It is, "What kind of relationship with technology am I modeling for my child?"

The good news is that small changes can have a meaningful impact.

Start by noticing your own habits. Many adults reach for their phones automatically. Pay attention to how often you pick up your device and what prompts you to do so. You may learn something surprising.

Let your children see you set boundaries. Say out loud, "I'm going to put my phone down so I can listen to you," or "I've been on my phone too long. I'm taking a break." Children learn self-regulation by watching us practice it.

Create phone-free moments. Consider making meals, bedtime routines, car rides or family game nights times when everyone, including adults, puts devices away.

Protect opportunities for connection. The few minutes before school, the drive to practice or the moments before bedtime may seem insignificant, but they are often when children reveal what they are thinking and feeling.

The conversation about children and screens needs to be about more than rules, limits and school policies. Those are important pieces of the puzzle, but children also need examples of healthy technology use. A child who sees a parent constantly looking at a device may reasonably conclude that this is what adulthood looks like. A child who sees a parent choose connection over distraction learns something equally powerful: People matter more than screens.

As the school year begins, perhaps the most important digital habit we can teach our children is not how to put their phones away. It is how to be present.

Have a great start to the school year, and psych'd to see you next month!

-Dr. S.

Do you have a question for me? Are there topics you hope I will write about? Please submit your suggestions to info@therestonletter.com.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime clinical psychologist in Reston and Herndon. To learn more, visit www.oakhillpsychological.com/ Visit the "About Us" section of the website to learn more about her team of therapists.