The DOCE Days of Summer

by Restonian

There’s been a lot of talk about efficiency these days, but why does it have to stop with

the gubmint? As the founding members of the Department of Cluster Efficiency (DOCE),

we and our employee (a 21-year-old named Big DRBs) have taken over the RA

headquarters and stayed up 23 hours a day for the last four months finding ways to

save us all money on our annual assessments. Here’s what we've found so far:

Swimming pools. 15 of them is way too many, especially when we have all those lakes,

just sitting there! Sure, there are some algae blooms and whatnot, but a tube of

Neosporin is a heck of a lot cheaper than a pool pass.

Sunrise Valley and Sunset Hills. Clear waste—why do we need two roads when one

would do? Call it Midday Motorway and be done with it.

Yard waste pickups. We have common areas for a reason, right? As an added bonus,

dumping all our leaves into those otherwise underused spaces will deprive Reston's

dreaded invasive plants of sunlight. Win-win.

Color palettes. Why do we need all these wasteful colors like Sea Foam and Copper

Taupe? Look at our neighbor to the east, Vienna, and just paint everything a nice

uniform brown.

McTacoHut. Clear inefficiency. We've already lost the Hut, resulting in 33% savings, but

why do we need two drive-thrus when one could dispense both round meat discs and

tubular meat sacs?

Library. There's talk about building a new one, but who reads books these days? There are plenty of quality free newspapers and blogs out there.

Electric car charging stations. We do need those, for reasons, and preferably near

Terraset Elementary, which bears an uncanny resemblance to our fancy new stainless

steel pickup truck.

Tot lots. Why coddle the youngest Restonians? Just give them some rocks and sticks,

and let them play in the parking lots. Again, Neosporin.

Two golf courses. Don't worry, some out-of-towners are already hard at work on that

one, the end.