By Hayley Sherwood, Columnist
This week marks seven years since I opened my small mental health practice. As I reflect on the many “lightbulb moments” and lessons I’ve gained over the years, I’d like to share some of these insights with you. My hope in “paying it forward” is to remind us all that we achieve much more when we communicate openly, lean on one another, and offer support.
Teamwork really does make the dream work. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the guidance, wisdom, and support of family, friends, colleagues, staff, and this community. I’m grateful every day for those who have been by my side throughout this journey and continue to show up. I’m equally grateful to the people in our community who trust us with their mental health needs.
Self-care is not selfish. Taking care of ourselves goes beyond a spa day or a lavish vacation. It’s okay—necessary, even—to prioritize ourselves, to rest, play, and laugh as much as we need and can. Taking a mental health day now and then, and allowing our children to do the same, gives us time to reset and recharge.
Setting boundaries is essential in every relationship. Boundaries communicate what’s acceptable and what isn’t, and they also improve our mental health and mood. It can be uncomfortable when others set boundaries, but it’s our responsibility to “stay in our lane” and respect the limits that those important to us have established.
Some people are only in our lives for a season. We lose connections for many reasons—breakups, ghosting, job changes, differing views, relocation, and more. Grieving the loss of loved ones who have passed, as well as relationships with people who are still “out there” somewhere, can be extremely painful, especially when closure is missing.
"I am sorry" is an action. Apologizing when you’ve hurt or wronged someone can go a long way. Rupture and repair are part of all relationships, and we benefit from looking inward at our choices to help preserve those bonds. “Sorry” without the “I am” is not a real apology, and “I am sorry” without changed behavior isn’t either. Forcing apologies (parents, this includes making your child apologize) often creates resentment. I’ll dive deeper into the power of apologies in a future issue.
I am not for everyone, and everyone is not for me. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. After all, you probably don’t like everyone you meet either. Instead of people-pleasing, enabling, or loving others at the expense of your own self-worth, focus on what’s within your control. We all need community for our mental well-being, so find your people (it doesn’t need to be everyone) and nurture those relationships.
Teaching is one of the best ways to learn. In addition to caring for my clients, supervising new clinicians has been deeply rewarding and enlightening. Explaining, mentoring, and guiding others keeps me on my toes and reminds me that each of us has something to share with others.
Psych’d to see you next month!
Dr. S.
Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more, please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com. Please visit the About Us section on our website to learn more about our new therapists!
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