How’s Your EQ?

Intelligence is often described as the ability to learn, reason, solve problems, and adapt to new situations. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in ourselves and in others. Over the past few decades, researchers and writers have made a strong case for why EQ can matter just as much as, and sometimes even more than, traditional IQ when it comes to things like school success, mental well-being, leadership, and positive relationships.

Since the early 1990s—and especially after Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence” came out in 1995—many well-known authors, academics, and leadership experts have helped bring EQ into everyday conversation. While studies show that IQ is influenced heavily by genetics, EQ is shaped far more by our environment: the homes, schools, and community spaces where we grow up. Skills like empathy and regulating our emotions are learned, often by watching the adults around us.

For many of us who grew up in or before the 1980s, talking openly about emotions wasn’t common. Our parents often didn’t have those conversations themselves. The good news is that EQ can be taught and strengthened at any age. Much of how we respond to emotions was learned early in life, but with awareness and practice, those patterns can change.

Every interaction with someone who is feeling something strongly—whether a child, friend, partner, co-worker, or relative—gives us a chance to notice and improve our own EQ. Think about the last time someone expressed a big emotion in your presence. How did you respond? Did you take it personally, jump to problem-solving, try to smooth things over, feel overwhelmed, or offer comfort? Most of us fall back on the strategies we learned long ago, even if they no longer serve us well.

Many people try to strengthen their EQ without even realizing it—by reading, listening to podcasts, talking with other parents, or seeking guidance from teachers, pediatricians, or therapists. A supportive counseling relationship can also provide a place to learn and practice new skills.

With self-awareness and a willingness to reflect on where our habits came from, we can all grow in this area. And when we do, we not only feel more grounded ourselves—we also show up in more thoughtful and supportive ways for the people in our lives.

Wishing everyone the happiest of holidays!

Psych’d to see you next YEAR! Happy 2026!

-Dr. S.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more,

please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com/

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