Ask Dr. S: Dads, You Matter, Too!

Dads have gotten a bad reputation in popular culture. They’re often depicted as clueless, reactive, and firmly in the backseat to “heroic” moms. More recently, news stories and social media portrayals have cast fathers as self-serving or immature. Historically, moms have been seen as children’s primary caretakers, while dads were cast as their primary playmates.

But according to the American Psychological Association, modern-day fatherhood is about far more than being a traditional married provider and disciplinarian. Today’s dads are just as likely as moms to view their parental role as central to their identity.

What dads offer their children is different, but no less important, than what moms offer. Dads of all kinds—married or single, gay or straight, working or stay-at-home, adoptive, or step—and those who stand in for dads, such as grandfathers, uncles, and other important adults, are increasingly recognized as essential to children’s social and emotional development.

For example, dads often influence their sons’ sociability. They also play a significant role in their daughters’ self-esteem and identity, especially during adolescence. Children with sensitive and supportive dads tend to have higher social competence and better peer relationships. Kids whose dads frequently talk with and teach them perform better in school and show more advanced language skills. Dads who maintain healthy partnerships with their children’s moms or other caregivers, even in cases of divorce, tend to have children with stronger self-worth, better academic performance, and more positive peer connections.

When dads struggle with their mental health, it affects their children both directly and indirectly. In my clinical work, I often meet fathers dealing with depression or anxiety who were raised in families where vulnerability was dismissed, minimized, punished, or ignored—and where seeking mental healthcare was seen as a weakness. As a result, these dads may struggle with irritability, withdrawal, poor frustration tolerance, avoidance, anger, or addiction.

Children look to their dads for affirmation and validation. When fathers can’t express or regulate their emotions, they may unintentionally model maladaptive coping strategies or instill feelings of unworthiness in their kids. This can increase the risk of emotional and behavioral issues for the next generation. On the other hand, dads who are open about their struggles and seek professional help not only mitigate these risks; they also reassure their children and model healthy, proactive behavior.

Wishing all dads—and all those who serve as dads—a very happy Father’s Day. And a reminder: take care of your physical and mental health. Your kids are watching, learning, and benefiting every day.

Psych’d to see you next month!

-Dr. S.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more,

please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com/ Please visit the About Us section on our website to learn more about our team of therapists!