Ask Dr. S: Everyone has a story

Each November, I am struck that World Kindness Day, on Nov. 13, falls in the same month as International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, Nov. 22 this year. We all have stories—different histories, experiences, and memories that shape our daily choices.

A quick Google search defines kindness as being generous, friendly, and considerate. Choosing kindness over judgment keeps us open to connection. In our current environment, connection—to family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, teammates, and even strangers—is essential to keep us afloat.

Mental health professionals often struggle with sharing our own stories, and believe me, we all have them. Early in my career, I realized that revealing some details about my life allows clients to see me as human, deepening trust and strengthening the therapeutic relationship. I don’t disclose daily, but when appropriate, sharing helps clients feel less alone.

I will never forget the relief on a client’s face when I shared that I, too, have yelled at my (now young adult) children, been frustrated with an aging parent, lost a loved one, or made a poor decision. I, too, forget to pause before speaking or acting sometimes.

As we prepare for holiday gatherings—many of which can be challenging—I want to share part of my story to remind us all to choose kindness. Warning: the following paragraph includes details of suicide.

I am a survivor of suicide loss. My father, a complicated man who would have turned 86 this month, had highs that charmed everyone and lows that kept him on our couch for days. He showed love in his own way, but his bipolar diagnosis complicated everything. I last saw him at 13, and in 2000 learned from my uncle that he had died by suicide. Processing this over the years has been both painful and enlightening—and part of what led me to pursue psychology.

So now you know something about me that would otherwise remain hidden. Imagine all the hundreds of people we meet whose stories we don’t know. As you face family and others in the coming months, remember that everyone carries struggles. A sister-in-law who seems abrupt might be overworked; approach her with kindness and grace.

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving—please be kind, grateful, and maybe stay away from the news during the holidays!

Psych’d to see you next month!

-Dr. S.

Dr. Hayley B. Sherwood is a longtime Clinical Psychologist in Reston/Herndon. To learn more, please visit her website at www.oakhillpsychological.com/. Please visit the About Us section on our website to learn more about our team of therapists!